The Weight

I didn't have much to eat.

Nothing really good or nutritious.

I began to feel depleted and sick. I couldn't exercise and I didn't know what to do.

I was beginning to gain weight and, as hard as I worked to keep get all of that weight off and keep it off, there was NO way I would lie there and allow myself to expand.

One morning I woke up and looked at my tummy. It looked horrible and it was sticking out.

I hadn't ran in three months and it was getting to me. I had no problem eating much of nothing and doing absolutely nothing.

I felt depression looming overhead and I could barely raise my head to shake it.

My doc gave me some zoloft, but I stopped taking it. I couldn't find it. Our stuff was everywhere.

I stepped outside to take out some trash; the sun beamed so bright that I could barely think. I felt as though it shined right through me.

I felt a peace come over me and then exude from me. Miah came running out of the house behind me; Jay ran after him as though he had done something wrong.

"Jay, what's wrong" I asked as Miah screamed and squirmed

"I can't get him to stay inside" He replied angrily, his right eye completely closed from a corneal infection.

I turned to him and said "Let him go, it's okay"

I realized at that moment that we had been out of the house, but we hadn't been outside. Instead, we went to the jeep and we went to the store. We went to the school and I took Miah to Mrs. Toni's house, yet he hadn't been able to burn of that two-year-old steam.

He loves to run. He just wants to run and I need to run. I couldn't help but think about how great it felt to run and how proud I was that I always took the time to run. Running kept me energized, refreshed and whole. I gave my body a lift when I ran and I felt capable of getting through every struggle right after I ran.

I ran to overcome my fear of being raped again. I ran to proclaim that I was beautiful. I ran to give myself a chance to be happy. I ran to feel free. I was even more gorgeous than the butterfly and hummingbirds tattooed on my skin. I didn't want to lose my beauty and it all came from running because each time I was running, I knew I was giving my heart a chance to live through every broken promise, every disappointment, every shattered dream...my physical heart beat better and my spiritual heart was more alive.

I missed that feeling and I wanted it back.

I had an appointment to look at a house in town. I decided that, after I was done looking at it, I would take my children to the trail.

My baby was ready to go. I couldn't and didn't move quickly enough. As I attempted to talk to my potential landlord, Miah became impatient. He started to become visibly upset, but as I saw the sun begin to say fond goodnights to the east, I knew I wasn't being fair to him, to us. I needed to go to that trail and Miah wasn't gonna let me forget that.

I bid the man a farewell and headed to the legendary Tobacco Trail. Although it isn't very scenic this time of year, it is one of the most beautiful places to run with your family.

Miah was so excited that he didn't want anyone to hold his hand. He just wanted to get on that trail as soon as possible and once I let him go, he was running a marathon.

That's when it hit me. He just needed to be free and so did I. Jay did too.

Homelessness had confined us all and God was using Miah's unrelenting spirit, a little boy with terrible asthma, to show us to appreciate our flight into destiny.

We're on our way. We may not see it, we may not feel it sometimes, we may not even believe like we should at time, yet God had not forgotten our little family. We would be free from our plight, and, because Miah was driven by the mind of a beautiful two years of life. He wasn't going to allow anyone to hold him down. He wouldn't let that little apartment hold him back. He knew he was born to soar, so he gave up on being grounded.

That's my pookiebear! Both of my children are so incredibly wonderful and God had taught us such a message through one another and it's taught everyday...outside of the classroom.

If you feel boxed up and need to feel more free, please pray with me. You can e-mail me at any time at yolandawhitted@msn.com. ILY! GBY!